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How to Break Up with a Narcissist

Feb 14, 2017

Breaking with someone who is a narcissist is not easy and the entire exercise can be emotionally draining. Narcissism is a psychological disorder where the affected person has a hard time seeing things beyond themselves. So how to break up with such a person?

How to Break Up With a Narcissist

1. Go Quickly

Once you have made the decision to end the relationship, just go ahead and do it. Avoid unnecessary discussion before or after the fact. It is your decision and you have considered it seriously. Do not get into an argument with the narcissist. 

2. Reinforce the Finality of the Decision

How to break up with a narcissist? Try to act like that you are the one who are making mistakes and suffering a huge loss by ending this relationship, and also reinforce the fact that this decision is irrevocable. You have to be firm.

3. Do Not Allow Manipulation

A narcissist will try everything to dissuade you from leaving, and if violence or other threats do not work, then the person will suddenly start to become sweet. The narcissist will have promises claiming that he or she will change for you; however, you should remind yourself that the narcissist just wants to manipulate you.

A narcissist will also try to take advantage of your fragile emotional state by wooing you with gifts. Make sure that you do not give up so such kind of emotional manipulation.

4. Cut off All Contact

One of the most difficult things for people in an NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) abusive relationship is to keep yourself from going back again and again. It may sound absurd, but the victims always recall the wonderful feeling that they experienced at the beginning of the relationship, even though they know deep inside that that feeling will never come back.

Changing phone numbers and email addresses, and in some cases even moving to a different location may be necessary to break up with the one. 

5. Learn Self Defense

How to break up with a narcissist? Become strong enough to protect you. Expect and prepare for the fact that your partner will not take your decision like a rational person. There may be violence or other aggressive acts like locking the doors, hiding the car keys or screaming.

Learn how to use a weapon and procure a license required by the law. Buying a dog (a big one) that will help prevent your abuser from contacting you is also a good idea. Remember that you are not training to attack someone but to defend yourself and maybe even your children from potential harm. 

6. Remove All Reminders of Your Relationship

There is no doubt that there would be many reminders, such as gifts, jewelry, or other trinkets, that remind you of your NPD abuser. Make a clean break with your past and get rid of any reminder that you have now.

It can be extremely therapeutic too. Tear it, burn it, sell it or just give it away. Don’t keep any of it. You tend to remember those good times when you see reminders. Try to tell yourself that all of these were an attempt to manipulate you so that you would keep boosting their ego.

7. Make New Friends and Explore Your Interests

Having one bad relationship can make it difficult to appreciate all the other genuinely nice people around you.

  • Try to meet new people, join some classes and take part in everything that you are interested in.
  • Put yourself in the company of people that are nice to you and make you feel good. It would also be ideal to give yourself some time to concentrate on non-romantic relationships.

When to Break Up with a Narcissist

How to break up with a narcissist? You have learn all the tips above. If you are still wondering whether you should break up the one or not, here are some suggestions for you. If you notice the following signs, it's time to break up with the narcissist.

  • Your mental health is suffering from the relationship: You may notice that you are suffering from increased anxiety or depression and always under mental stress. Your view of your own self-worth has started to drop and your self-confidence is almost non-existent.
  • Your children are also suffering emotionally: Look at your children and see what toll your relationship is taking on them emotionally. Pay attention to whether your children are confused and devastated because the narcissistic parent.
  • You have no contact with family and friends. If your partner stop you from having contact with friends and family, it is a sign that the relationship may have turned physically abusive. If the narcissist want to control you, then it's time to break up with him or her.
  • You don't feel happy: If you don't feel the love from your partner, and you are trying very hard to maintain your relationship, then maybe it's time to just say goodbye.